the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
