dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
