You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dicks are not precious.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
