maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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