how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
