There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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