honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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