I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
