Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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