Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
