I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
