But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize