I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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