It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
