Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
