Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
