I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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