Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
