i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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