i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
