I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
