8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
