sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
