Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize