Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
