Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the condom got lost in my hair
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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