it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
