I can text with my tongue
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
