I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize