I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize