sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
