I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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