C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize