I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
