I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is the high leading the old right now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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