Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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