Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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