Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
