yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
