I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Randomize
