That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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