you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
