A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
