sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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