i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
