He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
