If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
