Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
