did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
