fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
