I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
