Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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