I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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