this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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