You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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