Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The best revenge is premature balding
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
