We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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