i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
