I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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