Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
