I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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