I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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