Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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