Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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