Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
