she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
