i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
