sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And then my night got REAL pukey
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
