the condom got lost in my hair
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
