Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize