I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
