the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
