if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
