New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
